| Muffy does indoors! |
| Posted on Oct. 28 2002,9:27 by Muffy Muckraker |
28 October 2002
Muffy Does Indoors
Well, dear readers, the fall circuit has come to an end. Come this Sunday, trucks will start heading to FL in droves and everyone will have put away their boots and breeches for a while. Some are off to Europe to look for new stars for WEF; some are off to do their charity work teaching clinics to the unwashed masses; while others are just heading home. But what, you ask, have they been up to for the past few months. The answer, I'm afraid, is no good.
There are a number of warm-up shows directly before the actual indoor circuit. It was at one of these that a friend of your own dear Muffy was lucky enough to come upon a story worthy of the Enquirer. Apparently there's a certain GP rider who enjoys leaving his hotel room door ajar. One would have thought he had learned his lesson about uninvited visitors. In any case, my darling friend was minding her own business (for once) walking down the corridor when she became aware of a skirmish in a nearby room. A very pretty young girl (NO, not that one, although I would love to know where she was at the time) was being VERY impolitely addressed by the aforementioned rider. Muffy isn't certain what such words mean, but she has it on good authority that the lady was absolutely justified in making a rather dramatic exit. Unfortunately in doing so she nearly fell over my embarrassed friend, who also had to then make an exit. It seems all of this occurred within view (and hearing) of the lobby and its occupants..........
Meanwhile, at a show far, far away... one of our favorite couples called it quits. This rider-trainer team has been a fixture for quite a while, although I suppose one could claim that one of its constituents was a part of another seemingly indivisible couple directly before that. Now, we had heard the split was amicable, but darlings those former partners haven't exchanged a word within my hearing in months. So very sad.
There were a few other partings of way during the fall season, and Muffy is sorry to report that the bulk of these occurred within the same barn. Now, some were quite friendly, some were not, and some haven't happened yet but someONE couldn't quite keep the lid on. The repercussions are far reaching and it's a tangled tale (involving multiple females, can you imagine that?), but does anyone ever really leave a situation without creating some havoc? In this case it was merely a delayed reaction. Still someone is going to be left out in the cold, despite heading to FL early.
Those who travel and have sharp eyes may have noticed the judge and rider from one show segueing seamlessly into trainer and rider at another show, all within a matter of days. I needn't tell you the results of the rider at the first show, I'm sure everyone has a pretty good idea. If you don't, please consult someone about developing an imagination.
In the off time before Harrisburg it seems there was a rash of engagements (and some rash engagements). The rider formerly engaged to well, just about everyone, apparently has tired of romance and has resorted to FED EX. I suggest his bride Fed Ex's him to the alter pronto, before he proposes to anyone else. Who wants to make some bets with Muffy on the runaway groom? Rumor has it he was inspired by the recent engagement of another former flame, although she seems to have her act together nicely.
Bets will also be accepted on the outcome of the marriage that has taken so long to fix a date. There are quite a few ladies around interested in the status of this one.
The before-the-ink-is-dry-on-the-divorce award though goes to quite a different couple. The story is far too long and involved, but I'm sure everyone is interested in the ring, since she was so forthcoming to the general populace on her expectations as to the cost, BEFORE the potential groom had proposed. Presuming he ever got around to asking her to marry him in the first place.... Sometimes it's easier to just give in.
And while we're giving out awards, the best child rider award is well deserved this season by a well known GP rider. Not certain about the logic of that announcement? Perhaps you should consult his current girlfriend, or at least her driver's license.
There are some ladies who just enjoy being single. One of these top hunter riders however does enjoy being attached as well. As in attached to the person of every available male in her path. She makes quite a few wives and girlfriends see red on a regular basis. The other hunter rider makes them see blond, as her hair seems to be increasing in lightness directly in proportion to the increase in the number of her affairs.
And while we love to see family members of the riders in the audience, can we please keep them out of short skirts, and out of the bar at 10 am?
Harrisburg was quite entertaining, but there were a few dark patches. Mainly those made in the footing by the amazing number of falls. There should be a warning about the NAL adult jumper finals printed in the prizelist for those with heart problems. The JR and A/O hunters weren't much better, however. A particularly interesting moment was provided by the older amateur who fell off and proceeded to walk out of the ring. Leaving his horse wandering around the far end. Did he expect it to follow him? Did he tip the jump crew when they returned it to the ingate? Another rider in the same division was undaunted by the loss of his hat, and proceeded to finish the course (that was frightening to begin with) bareheaded.
WIHS was again plagued by problems due to no fault of its own. Anthrax last year, crazed gunman this year, it must be some sort of curse. The stories going around about rats running across the path of riders on the way to the hotel probably aren't going to help either. The phones were again ringing across the country as the secretaries frantically tried to fill classes at the last minute.
A general note to those sitting in the stands indoors: People can hear you in about a ten row radius. I'm not certain that matters to the riders who declared their thoughts loudly to anyone who cared to listen. One was particularly involved in declaring the grooming habits of her former significant other. Her account involved spray paint and two hair dryers. I feel I should mention that she's probably quite bitter, since he was cheating on her and she would have a difficult time finding the opportunity to get even. A certain rider from CA had a cell phone conversation with an entire section of the MCI arena. She felt inclined to speculate on the mental health status of one of her fellow west coasters. Now, the rest of us may wonder, but I don't believe anyone has quite so vehemently diagnosed him as bipolar and in need of medication. She, I in turn diagnose as in need of a hairdresser.
Speaking of the West coast, hopefully one of the horses returning there can locate some veterinary help. I think after seeing it in two hack classes the entire audience could give the rider and trainer some apparently much needed advice.
I also hear that one of our beautiful grey conformation horses will possibly be relocating to that coast. But the deal isn't done, so I can't tell you which one. However, I can tell you that Well Chosen, the famous A/O hunter, has been purchased by Allison Agley just in time for Harrisburg, and that Chopard was showing under Krista Weismann's name at WIHS. Congratulations on your purchases my dears. One could also congratulate the A/O jumper rider on her new two million dollar purchase, but the only opportunity this writer was afforded to do so was right after it came crashing to the ground on the other side of a water jump, and your dear Muffy didn't think she would appreciate the sentiment.
The scenery will be improving at HITS Ocala. Trust me on this one, and girls, please, no fighting. It isn't ladylike. Brush up on your Canadian. And then brush up against him.
Well, those are the highlights from the Fall tour. If I've missed anything I'm sure it will come to light between now and the start of WEF, and you, of course, will be the first to know. Or at least the first I tell after I call fifty or so of my closest friends. Until then, I am
Yours,
Muffy
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